swings both ways

SWINGS BOTH WAYS: 2013

SHINE MY SHOES

Another dawn, another day, another dollar to be made.
I got a  pocket in my soul, where a little rock a little roll assimilate
And  I don’t care what you think you know
’bout who I am and how it  goes
I made it easy to be me so yeah, It’s easy to be me
And it’s why I say
(Chorus)
I know you can’t stand me  cause i make you so angry more and more each day
hey hey hey
The way you don’t love me kind of makes you look ugly and the words you say
hey hey hey
Come up and see me, i kind of like  the abuse
hey hey hey
There’s no room in my bed
But while you’re here just bow your head and you can shine my shoes
Shine my shoes
Get outta my lane boy, you’re not in my  league
Some are born to thrive and some to underachieve
Here’s something that’ll make you sick
I’m as happy as a pig in  Sh–
I’ve been amused, I’ve been about, I’ve been amazed, I’ve been  betrayed
That’s why I say
(Chorus)
I know  you can’t stand me cause I make you so angry more and more each day
hey hey hey
The way you don’t love me kind of makes you  look ugly and the words you say
hey hey hey
Come up  and see me, oh oh oh, if you can take the abuse
hey hey hey
There’s no room in my bed
But while you’re here just lend a hand  and you can shine my shoes
Shine my shoes
Kneel down  boy
(Chorus)
It’s why you can’t stand me, you make me  so angry more and more each day
hey hey hey
The way  you don’t love me kind of makes you look ugly every the words you say
hey hey hey
Come up and see me, oh oh oh, I kind of like the  abuse
hey hey hey
There’s no room in my bed
But while you’re here then bow your head and you can shine my shoes
Shine my shoes
Shine my shoes
Until I see my  face

GO GENTLE

You’re gonna meet some strangers
Welcome  to the zoo
Bitter disappointments
Except for one or  two
Some of them are angry
Some of them are mean
Most of them are twisted
Few of them are clean

Now when you go dancing with young men down at the  disco
Just keep it simple
You don’t have to kiss  though

Don’t waste time with the idiots that think that  they’re heroes
They will betray you
Stick with us  weirdos

For all your days and nights
I’m gonna  be there
I’m gonna be there yes I will
Go gentle  through your life
If you want me I’ll be there
When  you need me I’ll be there for you

Don’t try to make them love you
Don’t  answer every call
Baby be a giant
Let the world be  small
Some of them are deadly
Some don’t let it  show
If they try and hurt you
Just let your daddy  know

Now when you go giving your heart make sure they  deserve it
If they haven’t earned it
Keep searching  it’s worth it

For all your days and nights
I’m gonna  be there
I’m gonna be there yes I will
Go gentle  through your life
If you want me I’ll be there
When  you need me I’ll be there for you

Go gentle to the light
I’m gonna be  there
I’m gonna be there yes I will
If all your days  are nights
When you want me I’ll be there
Say my name  and I’ll be there for you

I WAN’NA BE LIKE YOU (avec Olly Murs)

I’m the king of the swingers, the jungle V.I.P
I reached the top and had to stop
And that’s what  bothering me
I want to be a man, man-cub, and stroll right into  town
And be just like those other men
I’m tired of  monkeying around

Ooh-bi-doo, I wan’na be like you
I want  to walk like you, talk like you, too
You see it’s true, an ape like  me
Can learn to be like you, too

Don’t try to kid me, man-cub, I made a deal with  you
What I desire is man’s red fire to make my dream’s come true
Now give me the secret, man-cub, come on, clue me what to do
Give me the power of man’s red flower so I can be like you

Ooh-bi-doo, I wan’na be like you
I want  to walk like you, talk like you, too
You see it’s true, an ape like  me
Can learn to be like you, too

Now I’m the king of the swingers, the jungle  V.I.P.
I reached the top and had to stop
And that’s  what bothering me
I want to be a man, man-cub, and stroll right  into town
And be just like those other men
I’m tired  of monkeying around

Swing to the left, swing to the right,
put your hands up if you loving life
Swing to the left, swing to  the right,
put your hands up if you feeling nice

Ooh-bi-doo, I wan’na be like you
I want  to walk like you, talk like you, too
You see it’s true, an ape like  me
Can learn to be like you, too
Can learn to be  someone like me

SWING SUPREME

Oh it seemed forever stopped today
All  the lonely hearts in London
Caught a plane and flew away
The best women are married
The handsome men are gay
You feel deprived

Yeah are you questioning your size?
Is  there a tumour in your humour,
Are there bags under your eyes?
Do you leave dents where you sit,
Are you getting on a  bit?
Will you survive
You must survive

When there’s no love in town
This new  century is bringing you down
All the places you have been
Trying to find a love supreme
A love supreme

Oh what are you really looking for?
Another partner in your life to abuse and to adore?
Is it lovey  dovey stuff,
Do you need a bit of rough?
Get on your  knees

Yeah turn down the love songs that you hear
‘Cause you can’t avoid the sentiment
That echoes in your ear
Saying love will stop the pain
Saying love will kill the  fear
Do you believe
You must believe

When there’s no love in town
This new  century is bringing you down
All the places you have been
Trying to find a love supreme
A love supreme

When there’s no love in town
This new  century is bringing you down
All the places you have been
Trying to find a love supreme
A love supreme, a love supreme
A love supreme

A love supreme

SWINGS BOTH WAYS (avec Rufus Wainwright)

I’m coming out of the sandbox
You’ll get covered in dog doo
I’m gonna get off this sea saw
Say goodbye to your mama
Oh yea
Let’s get high on some Pop Rock
Pop Rock and  Coke
I’ll blow your sock off, teach how to laugh at daddy’s dirty  jokes
Don’t hedge your bets, double down if you want to get ahead  in Tinsel Town
Turn that smile upside down
Happy  people don’t have sex
Now Robbie, everybody swings both ways
From the butchest, the bandits, the fairest, the faggots and singers  with everything they need
Everybody swings both ways
Face it Robbie, you’re a little bit gay
Shall we dance?
I’m getting hot on the pavement
Can you find me some grass?
I have a certain arrangement
Up the Khyber Pass
Oh ya,  let’s get high with some fruit cake
Fruit cake and tea
And after I’ve done her
Well you can do me
Oh boy
Don’t hedge your bets, double down, if you want to get ahead  in Tinsel Town
Just follow me you enormous clown
Clever people don’t have sex
Now Rufus, everybody swings both  ways
The bully, the bigot, the giant, the midget and singers with  everything they need
Everybody swings both ways
Face  it Rufus, you’re a tad gay
Oh yea?
Face it Robbie,
Uh huh?
You’re a little bit gay

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM (avec Lily Allen)

Stars shining bright above you
Night  breezes seem to whisper « I Love You »
Birds singing in the sycamore  tree
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold  me tight and tell me you’ll miss me
While I’m alone and blue as can  be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still  craving your kiss
I’m longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams  whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still  craving your kiss
I’m longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
But in your  dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Dream a little dream of me
But in your  dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

SODA POP (avec Michael Bublé)

We’re the love brigade
That sings  serenades
Flying in G6 jets
Over woodland glades
These are canapés and not hand grenades
And that’s the  choice we made

Go USA
Or Taliban chic
If  you got massive hands
Or tiny feet
Life hands you  lemons then sell lemonade
It’s the choice we made

So….
I’m gonna sell a soda pop
I wanna sell soda pop
I’m gonna sell soda pop
I wanna  sell soda pop
Soda!
yoda!
Bop shoo  wop

We like the birds
We go likely lads
I go on strike
We’re not scab scab scabs
The  love we lost when no one stayed
It’s the choice we made

They wanna know
About the clothes we  wear
If we swing both ways
But who stays there
As long as we get paid we don’t care
The choice is theirs

So….
I’m gonna sell a soda pop
I wanna sell soda pop
I’m gonna sell soda pop
I wanna  sell soda pop
Soda!
yoda!
Bop shoo  wop

Come enjoy the madness
How you dance  through the fire is all
That matters now
How can you  resist us?
We are the business

So….
I’m gonna sell a soda pop
I wanna sell soda pop
I’m gonna sell soda pop
I wanna  sell soda pop
Soda!
yoda!
Bop shoo  wop

Come enjoy the madness
How you dance  through the fire is all
That matters now
How can you  resist us?
We are the business
So, so, so, so!

SNOWBLIND

I’m Snowblind,
Looking at you,
Let me melt a while in your company,
I unwind in your rapture,
I’m an overture to your symphony,

Time makes time,
A memory between us,
Am I still impossible to read?

While the whole world was looking at you,
You came and wrapped yourself around me.

You feel the sun,
A work in progress,
I’m so far away from where I wanna be,
You stole my  heart,
But my madness,
Is taking the man right out of  me,

You said, we could have been so good together,
I complicate so easily

While the whole world was looking at you,
You wrapped yourself around me.

So wonderful,
Feeling so vulnerable
You’ll never know what you did to me,
Can’t disguise,
I’m hiding behind my eyes,
You could’ve meant the whole  world to me.

PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ

Have you seen the well-to-do
Up on Lenox  Avenue
On that famous thoroughfare
With their noses in  the air
High hats and arrowed collars
White spats and  fifteen dollars
Spending every dime
On a wonderful  time

If you’re blue and you don’t know where to go to
Why don’t you go where Harlem sits
Puttin’ on the  ritz

Spangled gowns upon a bevy of high browns
From down the levee, all misfits
Puttin’ on the ritz

That’s where each and ev’ry Lulu Bell goes
Ev’ry Thursday ev’ning with her swell beaus
Rubbing elbows

Come with me and we’ll attend their jubilee
And see them spend their last two bits
Puttin’ on the ritz

Have you seen the well-to-do
Up on Lenox  Avenue
On that famous thoroughfare
With their noses in  the air
High hats and arrowed collars
White spats and  fifteen dollars
Spending every dime
For a wonderful  time

If you’re blue and you don’t know where to go to
Why don’t you go where Fashion sits
Puttin’ on the  ritz

Spangled gowns upon a bevy of high browns
From down the levee, all misfits
Puttin’ on the ritz

That’s where each and ev’ry Lulu Bell goes
Ev’ry Thursday ev’ning with her swell beaus
Rubbing elbows

Come with me and we’ll attend their jubilee
And see them spend their last two bits
Puttin’ on the ritz

LITTLE GREEN APPLES (avec Kelly Clarkson)

Well, I wake up in the morning
With my  hair down in my eyes
And she says hi
And I hurry to  the breakfast table
While the kids are going off to school,  goodbye
And she reaches out and takes my hand
And  squeezes it and says « how you feelin’ Hon? »
And I look across at  smiling lips that warms my heart
And I see my morning sun
And if that’s not loving me
Then all I’ve got to say

God didn’t make little green apples
And  it don’t rain in Indianapolis in the summertime
There’s no such  thing as Dr. Suess
Disneyland and Mother Goose, no nursery rhyme
God didn’t make little green apples
And it don’t rain in  Indianapolis in the summertime
And when my self is feeling low
I think about your face aglow and ease my mind

Sometimes I call him up knowing he’s busy
And ask if he could get away and meet me
And maybe grab a bite to  eat
And he drops what he’s doing and hurry’s down to meet me
And I’m always late
He sits waiting patiently and smiles  when he first sees me
Because he’s made that way
And  if that’s not loving me
Then all I’ve got to say

God didn’t make little green apples
And  it don’t snow in Indianapolis when the winter comes
There’s no such  thing as make believe
Puppy dogs and autumn leaves, no B.B. guns
God didn’t make little green apples
And it don’t rain in  Indianapolis in the summertime
And when my self is feeling low
I think about your face aglow and ease my mind

MINNIE THE MOOCHER

Hey folks heres the story bout Minnie the Moocher
She was a red-hot hoocie coocher
She was the roughest  toughest rail
But Minnie had a heart as big as a whale

Hidehidehidehi (Hidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodeho (Hodehodehodeho)
Hedehedehedehe (Hedehedehedehe)
Hidehidehideho (Hidehidehideho)

She messed around with a bloke named Smokie
She loved him though he was cokey
He took her down to Chinatown
And showed her how to kick the gong around

Hidehidehidehi (Hidehidehidehi)
Whoah  (Whoah)
Hedehedehedehe (Hedehedehedehe)
A  hidehidehideho (Hidehidehideho)

She had a dream about the king of Sweden
He gave her things that she was needin’
He gave her a  home built of gold and steel
A diamond car with platinum wheels

A hidehidehidehidehidehidehi  (Hidehidehidehidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodehodehodehodeho  (Hodehodehodehodehodehodeho)

He gave her his townhouse and his racing horses
Each meal she ate was a dozen courses
Had a million  dollars worth of nickels and dimes
She sat around and counted them  all a million times

Hidehidehidehi (Hidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodeho (Hodehodehodeho)
Hedehedehedehe (Hedehedehedehe)
Hidehidehideho (Hidehidehideho)

IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN

I could wile away the hours
Conferrin’ with the flowers
Consultin’ with the rain
And my head  I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain

I’d unravel every riddle
For any  individ’le
In trouble or in pain

With the thoughts I’d be thinkin’
I  could be another Lincoln
If I only had a brain

Oh, I could tell you why
The ocean’s  near the shore
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I’d sit and think some more

I would not be just a nothin
My head all  full of stuffin’
My heart all full of pain
Perhaps I  deserve you
And be even worthy erve you
If I only had  a brain

I could wile away the hours
Conferrin’  with the flowers
Consultin’ with the rain
And my head  I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only
If I only had a brain

NO ONE LIKES A FAT POP STAR

I come from a land of kebabs and curries,
Second helpings – no worries .
Piled up carbs upon the plate ,
Then one day it’s too late .

No breakfast, no luncheon ,
Just carpets  I’ll munch on
a thimble of self esteem.
Glazed  nothings for afters and absence of laughter,
The saddest that I’ve  ever been.
You just can’t be portly , not this side of fourty,
Showbiz’s a single- chinned game .
Scum paparazzi and  weight police nasties have narrowed the hall of fame.

( Chorus)

No one likes a fat pop star
Pop is a  place for the thin ,
No one likes a fat pop star
We  want to hear thin people sing!

When I get faint I chew through my restraints
It’s the best meal that I’ve had all week,
If I could eat my own  words , I’d tear through the verbs
But nobody pays me to speak.

( Chorus)

No one likes a fat pop star
Pop is a  place for the thin ,
No one wants a fat pop star
I’m  sorry, we can’t fit you in!

Now you’ve upset me — I feel like a snack !
A packet of Minstrels , a pie and a nap .
So whats wrong with  thaaa-aaaat ?

No breakfast, no luncheon ,
Just carpets  I’ll munch on
And a thimble of self esteem.
Glazed  nothings for afters and absence of laughter,
The thinnest that I’ve  ever been.

Thaaaank you

WHERE THERE’S MUCK

Oh I could tell you
please try and  understand
but the ship left unmanned out at sea
The  laughter there is canned
cause the jokes are secondhand
God forbid I didn’t blend this mutiny

Before the boats were wreck
send a dove  to land on deck
cause the noose around my neck is killing me

The anger makes me boil
the mistakes I  make are royal
there’s a sadness in the silent part of me.

Where there’s muck
there’s brass
kiss my ass
where there’s muck
there’s brass
kiss my ass

I’m not asking you
I’m telling you
kiss my aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass

Don’t tell me the truth
I know I’ve been  uncouth
Well my breath’s a hundred proof, I cannot breath.

Callin’ ship to shore
Dunno what all the  fuss is for
save the women and the children after me

Before the boats were wreck
send a dove  to land on deck
cause the noose around my neck is killing me

The anger makes me boil
the mistakes I  make are royal
there’s a sadness in the silent part of me.

Where there’s muck
there’s brass
kiss my ass
where there’s muck
there’s brass
kiss my ass

I’m not asking you
I’m telling you
kiss my aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass
my aaaaaaaaaaaaass

Would’ve been loved
should’ve been  loved
Could’ve been loved
should’ve been loved
Would’ve been loved
should’ve been loved
Could’ve been  loved
should’ve been loved

Could’ve been looooooooooooooooved.

16 TONS

Some people say a man is made outta mud
A poor man’s made outta muscle an’ blood
Muscle an’ blood an’ skin  an’ bones
A mind that’s weak and a back that’s strong

You loaded sixteen tons an’ whaddya get?
Another day older an’ deeper in debt
Saint Peter doncha  call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the company sto’

I was born one mornin’ when the sun didn’t shine
Picked up the shovel and I walked to the mine
I loaded  sixteen tons of number nine coal
And the strawboss said, « Well,  bless my soul! »

You loaded sixteen tons an’ whaddya get?
Another day older an’ deeper in debt
Saint Peter doncha  call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the company sto’

I was born one morning, it was drizzlin’ rain
Fightin’ and trouble are my middle names
I was raised in the  canebrake by an’ ol’ mama lion
Can’t no high-tone woman make me  walk the line.

You loaded sixteen tons an’ whaddya get?
Another day older an’ deeper in debt
Saint Peter doncha  call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the company sto’

If you see me comin’, better step aside
A lotta men didn’t, a lotta men died
With one fist of iron an’ the  other of steel
If the right one don’t getcha then the left one  will.

You loaded sixteen tons an’ whaddya get?
Another day older an’ deeper in debt
Saint Peter doncha  call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the company sto’

WEDDING BELLS

Just like the night before Pompeii blows
Nobody really knows where my Rosemary goes
My friends all  think I’m mad and
she makes my dad sad
And he married  my mother so

I’ll be imagining
Wedding bells
Fairy tales
Carousels
I’m just imagining open doors
Overtures for son-in-laws

And if you want this dream to start
then  just open up your broken heart
start imagining
Wedding  bells
Fairy tales
And me

She went out Friday
Came in Monday  night
She must have left the keys in
somebody else’s  car
And oh no-one completes me more than she
and until  she gets home I’ll be

I’ll be imagining
Wedding bells
Fairy tales
Carousels
I’ll be imagining open doors
Overtures for son-in-laws

And if you want this dream to start
then  just open up your broken heart
start imagining
Wedding  bells
Fairy tales
And me

Oh the comfort of being with the one you
desire for life
Oh the comfort of knowing one day
she will be my bride
And oh no one completes me more than she
And now til she gets home I’ll be

I’ll be imagining
Wedding bells
Fairy tales
Carousels
I’ll be imagining open doors
Overtures for son-in-laws

And if you want this dream to start
then  just open up your broken heart
start imagining
Wedding  bells
Fairy tales
And me
Wedding bells
Fairy tales
And me
Wedding bells
Fairy tales
And me